Illustration by Bruna Borges
[ID: Illustration shows a wash machine dial with a center circular button and various wash cycles, each with a small drawing of one or two people dancing. Clockwise from the top, the text indicating the different cycles reads: “On/Off. Brights. Quick Wash. Easy Care. Spin + Drain. Delicate. Heavy. Power Wash.”]
Heavy Duty
Heart severely stained the day my dad left behind his human shell
A muddy mess of ruin and denial
Unable to grasp the emptiness stinging me to a low hummmmm
Bone aching waves in this whirlpool of breath snatching sorrows
Tumbling from one memory to the next
The emotions ricochet
Soggy and heavy when I think it’s over
The flood is back before my lungs can get air
Rinsed and twisted with a ear splitting feral cry erupting from a place I don’t know
And when it’s done I’m not soggy but still definitely heavy
The pure scent of smiles and laughter diverge
Examining each wrung out piece of me when my heart contracts
Missed a spot
Start cycle again
Quick Wash
The feelin’ of warm light signals my eyes to open
I’m not down bad but I ain’t fresh either
i need to shake things up for a quick reset
Slow hustle to the bathroom
Slow hustle to my damn room
Hell I deserve a joint for a treat
The music trembles through me I’m moving all of me
My hands wave in the air
I’m whipping my hair
I’m tryna see if I got stallion knees!
Hand Wash/Delicates
Oh, Mommy!
Worn out wouldn’t accurately express all this mess
Milk soaked shirts and jammies covered in poop
Food spills as I hurry to eat before those precious cries tell me my time is up
On the tenth day I cried.
Thought it was all under control
The help that’d been promised was hard to find.
So it proved true, the responsibility would be all mine.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom
I had no idea it would beat me through my transition
Giving so much of me that it feels I’d need forever until I noticed me
And when I get that break I’ve been dreaming of I spend it looking at pictures and videos
Reminded that such a beautiful mess needs to be treated with care
Spot cleaned by hand
Brightened up by those wide eyes
A very gentle cleaning seeing those tiny fingers on my chest
Normal
It’s a rite of passage
The music wakes you and instantly you wish you could have slept through it
If you don’t leave your room now your mom will be in there any minute doing it for you
Throwing you into the load of refreshing your home
If you stay on top of the mess there’s not much to do
Sloshing around and sudsing down
Before you know it’s you waking your little ones up to shuffle around the home you’ve made
Brights
If I could choose my sisters I’d choose these joyous headaches every time.
The first babies I raised
The people I’d go to war for
Yeah they work my nerves but even a global cooties outbreak couldn’t keep me from sharing space with them
Your cooties are my cooties
Teach me the TikTok let’s shake our booties
Wash spin repeat
Goes life and all its memories
This article appeared in the Spring 2023 issue of In Dance.
